Missing Zoe Jane
12.09.2011
I am missing my best friend and her beautiful daughter, my first godchild. Can't wait to visit in a few months.
11.18.2011
My two favorite Stars songs:
Today in the hospital, I waited for a machine outside a patient's room just in time to see a elderly man shuffle slowly over to his sick wife in bed and then softly stroke her gray hair before leaning down and kissing her. How beautifully remarkable it is to see love last a lifetime and through the incredible struggles of illness.
Today in the hospital, I waited for a machine outside a patient's room just in time to see a elderly man shuffle slowly over to his sick wife in bed and then softly stroke her gray hair before leaning down and kissing her. How beautifully remarkable it is to see love last a lifetime and through the incredible struggles of illness.
11.15.2011
As I get closer and closer to being home with my beautiful little family, the excitement is hard to contain. I can't help but giggle and smile at the thought. One test and 3 days now, til I am once again laughing til I cry with my sister and holding my mom's hand…oh how wonderful!
This week has been beautiful, even with the little, very little bit of sleep I've enjoyed. No sleep makes me remember my younger years when I could rely on a full night's rest. And that brings to my mind the memory of falling asleep to my mother's lullabies. I can picture her face illuminated by soft light and her angelically ethereal voice as she sang songs of horses and true love, so my dreams at night would be marvelous.
At night Satie and I enjoyed the peaceful, beautiful songs, but in the morning we got mom's overbrimming excitement to see us. And it was in the form of a VERY loud rendition of "Good Morning" from Singing in the Rain. Sometimes I still hear her voice in the early morning after two hours of sleep and the alarm ringing. I can see her wide smile as she enjoyed our pain to be awoken to such bubbly loudness and was so completely excited to spend another day with her daughters. Her voice and that song still get me up in the morning at 25 years old.
How amazing mothers are. Their voices carry such love and safety and trust. As little ones listening to their lullabies, we feel capable. And our dreams seem attainable. And our joy is complete. I can't wait for my turn to be a mother. To sing to my children still inside my belly so they know my voice and then singing to them often as they grow. What an honor it is to be given this calling in life. To soothe and teach, to love and nurture, to plant ideals, dreams and hopes in our little ones through our voices. How lovely it will be! Thank you mother, for giving me your beautiful voice to grow up to and to be with me even when you are far away.
This week has been beautiful, even with the little, very little bit of sleep I've enjoyed. No sleep makes me remember my younger years when I could rely on a full night's rest. And that brings to my mind the memory of falling asleep to my mother's lullabies. I can picture her face illuminated by soft light and her angelically ethereal voice as she sang songs of horses and true love, so my dreams at night would be marvelous.
At night Satie and I enjoyed the peaceful, beautiful songs, but in the morning we got mom's overbrimming excitement to see us. And it was in the form of a VERY loud rendition of "Good Morning" from Singing in the Rain. Sometimes I still hear her voice in the early morning after two hours of sleep and the alarm ringing. I can see her wide smile as she enjoyed our pain to be awoken to such bubbly loudness and was so completely excited to spend another day with her daughters. Her voice and that song still get me up in the morning at 25 years old.
How amazing mothers are. Their voices carry such love and safety and trust. As little ones listening to their lullabies, we feel capable. And our dreams seem attainable. And our joy is complete. I can't wait for my turn to be a mother. To sing to my children still inside my belly so they know my voice and then singing to them often as they grow. What an honor it is to be given this calling in life. To soothe and teach, to love and nurture, to plant ideals, dreams and hopes in our little ones through our voices. How lovely it will be! Thank you mother, for giving me your beautiful voice to grow up to and to be with me even when you are far away.
11.12.2011
Johns Hopkins Hospital
A lot goes through your mind when you stare at a hole inside a person as big as a soccer ball. Some might get nauseous, some might panic about how they need to be healthier, and some crazies light up inside with giggles of excitement.
Oddly enough, after years of fainting at the sight of blood, I am definitely the latter. It turns out, I am quite the procedure junkie. It must be the surgeon inside me. This semester of clinicals I felt like Christina on Grey’s Anatomy. I raced around the unit trying to be there to observe every procedure so I’d be prepared to do them on my own. Come in at lunch, no problem! Stay late, it’s too much fun to say no! At shift’s end, I found myself hungrier than ever, but happier than a kid at Disneyland. From pulling staples out of a patient’s neck to assisting in a wound vac change, I have been in hospital heaven.
But the real high comes from the moments with the patient. Yesterday it was comforting my patient as she battled the pain from her wound vac change. The joy was watching her face muscles soften when I put my hand on her arm. It was looking into her needing eyes when the pain was bad and smiling as I talked about her grandchildren. There’s nothing better. Not even kissing.
Well…maybe kissing.
I was thinking the other day at clinicals as I bathed the sweetest old lady that what nurses do is sacred. This lovely lady who would shout out at my instructor “this pumpkin is coming home with me” was weak from her recovery from surgery and old age. She couldn’t wash herself, couldn’t stand alone. Strange as it might sound, as I bathed her, I kept thinking about the Saviour washing the disciple’s feet and as I did, my experience with this woman felt sacred. Something about how vulnerable and trusting she was reminded me about the Atonement. How weak we are made by our inadequacies and our mistakes and how our trust in Christ’s sacrifice and love is never in violated or in vain. I’m so grateful for such a Saviour, so grateful that I know His love for us.
There are a lot of places that can be temples in life. Our bodies are temples for our spirits. Our homes are temples for our families. The tops of mountains were temples in ancient times. While only the home can compare to the Holy Temple in sacredness, there are types of temples in many parts of life. For me, the hospital is one such type. It’s a place where I’m learning more about God. It’s a place where I hope to become more like Him. And it’s a place where I see His face.
11.07.2011
I wake up every morning at 4am. The house is quiet and dark and reminds me of one of my favorite childhood books, The Napping House. I shuffle around the house trying not to run into walls as I usually do haha and smile ear to ear as I see myself once again in my blue scrubs.
I love getting up so early. My days are so long and full. And in the morning there is a part of my metro ride where we come across the Potomac and I watch the sun rise behind the city. The light sparkles across the monuments and I fall in love with this beautiful place again. There is so much that is exciting in this new adventure of school. I am learning how to dress wounds, the pathology of disease, how to administer medications, how to be an asset in curing and how to care for the sick. It is lovely. I couldn't ask for a better way to spend such long days.
The best part of it all is the people I meet every day. They are changing me. I love the smiles on the metro when my eyes meet a strangers, laughing with another stranger as we witness an event, the sweet gesture of gentlemen as they give up their seat or hold the door for me, a loving mother entertaining her child on the train, the list goes on and on. The truth is people are beautiful. They are so easy to love.
I feel so blessed to be out here making friends with people from all walks of life. My friends have lived in a Buddhist Monastery, hitchhiked across the US for a year, balance Jewish faith with school, enjoy the first year of marriage, have 5 kids, learned to drive on a tractor, play the drums, started their own businesses, and sailed lakes and oceans. They are amazing and I am learning what it means to live life fully through their examples. I have such a drive to be the best nurse I can be, to paint, to publish my books, to sing, to travel, to raise a family, to teach, to play the harp, to speak languages, to sky dive, to garden, to do all and everything I possibly can.
I am changed.
I love getting up so early. My days are so long and full. And in the morning there is a part of my metro ride where we come across the Potomac and I watch the sun rise behind the city. The light sparkles across the monuments and I fall in love with this beautiful place again. There is so much that is exciting in this new adventure of school. I am learning how to dress wounds, the pathology of disease, how to administer medications, how to be an asset in curing and how to care for the sick. It is lovely. I couldn't ask for a better way to spend such long days.
The best part of it all is the people I meet every day. They are changing me. I love the smiles on the metro when my eyes meet a strangers, laughing with another stranger as we witness an event, the sweet gesture of gentlemen as they give up their seat or hold the door for me, a loving mother entertaining her child on the train, the list goes on and on. The truth is people are beautiful. They are so easy to love.
I feel so blessed to be out here making friends with people from all walks of life. My friends have lived in a Buddhist Monastery, hitchhiked across the US for a year, balance Jewish faith with school, enjoy the first year of marriage, have 5 kids, learned to drive on a tractor, play the drums, started their own businesses, and sailed lakes and oceans. They are amazing and I am learning what it means to live life fully through their examples. I have such a drive to be the best nurse I can be, to paint, to publish my books, to sing, to travel, to raise a family, to teach, to play the harp, to speak languages, to sky dive, to garden, to do all and everything I possibly can.
I am changed.